Postcards
A message to you in the hope that you’re living
“Don’t wanna lie here, but you can learn to
If I could change the way that you see yourself”— Billie Eilish
Did you breathe your last, the week before, having given up on the task you felt you had to accomplish to make you deserving of watching that movie? Has the world met her end? You see, I can’t bring myself to blame you; instead, I blame your mother. Your mother who has been telling you since you were in primary five that “failure is not an option”. Failure is not in your DNA. I imagine God looking down now and then, perplexed, as to when failure became a part of the genetic composition.
You know, last I checked, you have the privilege to change, assess, choose, and reaffirm the expectations you have of yourself. Do you, however, actually do that? No, you merely keep on as a passenger in your life. Going about meeting everyone else’s expectations of you, but your own. In what Esther Perel calls the “alternative résumé,” you are among those who were raised to value autonomy and self-reliance. And now, as an adult, you prioritise striving for perfection over seeking assistance. In relationships, you are unable to provide security and connection. Are those relevant if there are no quantifiable indicators to keep you updated on your monthly, weekly, or daily performance? I’m not sure which one.
When was the last time you got decent sleep? Don’t even bother answering; no way it was more than your regular two and a half hours of sleep. I find it particularly intriguing that you continue to give power to past traumas. You continue to let them shape who you should be. Your mother died two years back, so what now? You do not need permission you know; you have always had agency.
And you know better than for you not to do better. Striving for balance in our lives helps us become better people. Your inability to relax, preoccupation with minutiae, and fear of failure have impacted most of your relationships. You set high expectations for others because you have excessive expectations for yourself. Relax. You hear? Relaxing is the one thing that hasn’t killed anyone. Don’t even try to fact-check me. And as Esther Perel explains again, everybody needs separateness and everybody wants connection. I pray you don’t go about thinking you are the exception. It’s time to start telling yourself more positive stories about who you are. I see you trying.
Postcards can teach you a few things. Postcards wear their hearts on their sleeves. They don’t have to pretend to be what they’re not while being enveloped like most letters. They come to you heavy with shared meaning — shared interests. They are not burdened with the need to be liked or to prove a point. They arrive as they are. And the thing about presenting yourself as you are is that you have to show up burden-free and with a sense of self-validation.
