The Abroad
White painted walls and the perfect fluorescent light bulb suitable for Zoom videos
At this point in Nigerian history, I believe most Nigerians who grew up in Nigeria have at least two family members living abroad. With the data showing a larger Nigerian diaspora population resides in the UK and US combined. And, on occasion, during the Christmas and New Year holidays, Nigerians at home would see those living abroad and welcome them with open arms and high expectations. Expectations laden with entitlement, and should these expectations not be met, things can quickly devolve into resentment and disgust.
Understand that resentment and disgust are valid emotions in circumstances where the collective family resources funded the family member’s sojourn(usually a long sojourn) overseas — not abroad. Taking that into consideration, there is a significant difference between overseas and abroad. A distinction that can be seen in the fact that family and friends are more likely to financially support a sojourn overseas as opposed to abroad. A distinction that can be seen in the kinds of expectations family and friends have of those overseas as opposed to those living abroad.
Despite the differences in the level of expectations for the two categories, both those living abroad and those living overseas still suffer from a degree of entitlement to their time and resources from family and friends. The South African term, black tax, better captures the magnitude of this entitlement. Further analysis of the thought-provoking term also shows that people who pay black tax take on the responsibility subconsciously in some instances.
For the record, no part of this entitlement is justified. It is an egregious and subtle form of abuse. It sets whoever is in this situation back beyond their peers who are in the same race as them. But how can families back home understand what they cannot comprehend?
When they call you via Skype and hear the sound of water flowing effortlessly, you remind them that the water flowing from your taps is drinkable. You have never complained about the quality or quantity of your internet data or airtime being insufficient. And it goes without saying that they stay up at night to watch all your YouTube videos on “How to make Nigerian Soups,” together with the prank videos with the free internet data their network providers dispense. When they tell you that they need to turn off the generator at 12 a.m., you roll to the other side of the bed and turn out your lights.
In their world, you are far from lacking, and that is heaven, and you are one of God’s favourites. There is no way to tell that you currently work two jobs while still in school. There is no way to tell that you wish you didn’t have to go to work inside the snow. There is no way to tell that you squat with a friend and you are so close to being thrown out of the university should your grades go any lower.
This begs a reevaluation of the relationships that should matter. If money is at the centre of most of these relationships, it is up to you to prioritise your well-being. Notwithstanding the need to pay it forward, you must provide yourself with an outlet that allows you to transcend your daily struggles and gives you permission to be human.
